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MOTIVATION: How to handle people who keep asking you why you didn’t make it?

I know that the results are out and people who know that you have taken the exams are very curious to know how it went. For the ones who cleared, they escaped the emotional turmoil and the turbulence. For the unfortunate ones who didn’t people around always seem to find a way to make your life miserable. How do you handle such a situation? Do you cry or shout back, punch them in the nose… I know all of these do sound very exciting but unfortunately enough we can’t do that as well. But there are some things we can do to get them off our back!

1) Avoid them! 

If people around you are making your life intolerable, avoid them, don’t talk to them, don’t receive your calls. You are better off alone than feeling sorry.

2) Why are they calling?

Are they calling out of curiosity? Are they calling cos they care? Are they calling to say that they were right or are they calling to tell you that everything is going to be ok. To be honest, we know what they are going to say – give some examples of people who have cleared in the 8th attempt and say even we can do it, rub your nose in the fact that they knew a dull boy who could do it and they are surprised that you could not do it even though you were smart. Or they are trying to call cos they know that you are hurting and they want to help you out. Either ways, I am certain it is quite a hard feeling and none of these are going to be of much help, atleast in the current situation. And if they try to symapthize with you, downplay your problem, talk as though it doesn’t mean much, you don’t really care about it, it was a minor setback – That will keep people off your back ( How big is your problem? )

3) Stay clear off the upsc topic! 

The more you talk about it, the worse you feel about it. The emotions you face are enormous here, right from the feeling of hurt, pity, betrayal, jealousy, and so on.. The more you stay on the topic of UPSC, the more you are going to keep feeling bad about yourself and your luck. Avoid these feelings, avoid these thoughts. Keep yourself busy but make sure that no one talks about UPSC or your bad luck.

4) Don’t try to understand why it didn’t work! 

Atleast not now. Even if you do, you are not going to get a comprehensive answer now. The few answers you get are that maybe you did not study a subject properly, maybe someone did not correct the papers properly, you were unlucky to get a wrong interview board, you had a bad day at an interview which sidelined your effort of an entire year. No matter what these reasons are, none of them are going to make you feel better, none of them are going to help you sustain yourself. Stay clear of it for now, maybe take some time off and think about it after a month or so. You can’t trust a decision when you are having an emotional roller coaster inside of you.

5) Is UPSC fair? 

That is one question which will keep nagging you through out, and you keep asking yourself whether it was all worth it. My answer is YES! I know you might not be in a place to agree with me and I don’t expect that either. All I am saying is that you have taken this up with a lot of passion and it is very natural to feel upset about it. The answer to the question whether it is fair or not is not going to lead you anywhere. If you want to give up, maybe NO is the answer, if you want to continue the race, the answer is certainly YES. Either ways you get to choose the answer you want which makes the question mute. Don’t try and go digging for answers and proofs to this. It is a dead end! ( Who said life is going to be fair? )

7) Keep yourself extremely busy! 

An idle brain is a devil’s workshop. The more you keep thinking about it, the worse you feel about it. You can’t focus on any good things of life. Let that go for now. Watch some movies, meet some friends, go out and travel or buy a book and read. Be with people where you get to fine anyone who brings the topic of UPSC – maybe Rs.100/- fine each time someone talks about it. Atleast you would getting some riches this way.

Above all, I do understand it is hard and I can say that we are here for you with the battle no matter what you choose to do. But choose to do something that will keep you happy. Do not wallow in this and allow it to make you weaker. You are more important than the exam or the results.

Related :

How do you respond to rejection?

How to address when you feel like a failure?